Pain of a Mother

My heart aches when I see this.

In my mind, I kept thinking what had my son gone through for the past weeks? How was he fed? Did he ever choke on his milk? how bad did he vomit each time?

I feedback this to his principal and infant teacher in-charge. Both were shocked at the sight of it. Who wouldn't? I've checked with colleagues whom children are moer than a year old and none of them drank milk from such big hole much to say my son is only 5month old!!! They apologised to me for not noticing it but were quick to add that it could probably be torn during washing the day before..hmm. His teacher even added that they have over 20bottles to wash a day hence it could be an oversight!! WHAT?? I was quick to say, "You don't wash 20 bottles at one go! Even if you do, you still need to pay attention which can I say you are not doing your job?" Okay, I sounded mean but who wouldn't?

Now, I am still half-hearted on what should I do next. His principal said that they will improve and asked for another chance. My fear is that the teachers could be revengeful and take it out on my son? Abit bad of me to harbour such thoughts but.. we should look at different perspective at times.

We need to consider the following options:

1. Maid - we need adult supervision which we don't have the luxury of. Installing CCTV will not help. When things happen, it will be a case of too late.
2. Babysitter - a possible option but when Zach starts crawling and climbing, accidents are bound to happen and will the babysitter inform us or will they keep quiet?
3. Infantcare - Change to another centre but such incidents will happen again. No matter how good the centre is, it will never be comparable to how I care for him.
4. Stay home mom - Me being a stay home mom? I would think by a month, I would gone crazy! I can't stay confined in a place for too long.. I need some motivation, push factor or excitement in my life. Not that Zach is not exciting enough but there should be more for me than just Zach!! Hei, working give me my sanity (at least 1%).

Ah well.. I will have to weigh each options above carefully when I have a clearer mind.

Faces of Zach

Right, lotsa people have been commenting that Zach is so much rounder compared to previous. I do not deny this statement because Zach has been drinking 180ml to 200ml of breastmilk at each feed (4 hours interval).

When I told the lactation consultant, PD and others, they were all equally shocked! He's drinking so much but his weight gain is pathetic. Oh well...decided to create a collage of Zach's photo to see if there is indeed some change.. maybe alittle bit but what do you guys think?

On a happier note, my little prince decided to flip finally! I placed him on the changing table at his infantcare and he flipped!! I turned him back and he flipped again.. now I have to remind the teachers not to leave him unattended on the changing table. The thought of him falling to the floor gives me the creeps..

Happy 5 Month Old, Zach

* Mummy is too excited and post this earlier than scheduled*

Zach turns 5 month old tomorrow! Comparing to a month ago, he has grown quite a bit, not by weight though but by his learning abilities. He smiles readily at the sight of my phone or camera cos he knows mummy is taking either photo or video of him.

He's smiling even though it is super early in the morning

He put on a mere 100g within 3 weeks but he's been drinking 180ml of breastmilk every 4hours. Dr told me not to worry as long as Zach is happy and progressing well. So..mabbe he is tall and lean like daddy and mummy.

Zach starts recognising faces and constantly wants me to be around. He will whimper and cry if my in-law carries him. He's okay if it is my parents or siblings which doesn't really makes sense cos they only see him once a month. My guess is prob the way he was carried that causes him to be uncomfortable.

He still can't flip without assistance but can sit unassisted for few minutes. Wonder will he skip the flipping process all together? He can also move around in his cot. Place him diagonally and within 5minutes he will kick and wriggle himself horizontally. Hahaha

Ignore the dirty diaper beside him. He's sitting up watching TV (what else?)

As he is entering his 5th month, it is also time for him to sleep on his own. Previously he was sharing our bed but lately he's crying to sleep alone. Each time he cry, I will carry him to his cot and he will fall asleep on his own and can sleep longer too. Can't believe that he wants to sleep alone! Hmm..maybe daddy's snoring is too loud or mummy keep waking up to check on him annoys him?

He also found his feet and his vocals. When opportunity arise, he will play with his feet and luckily have not learnt to put them in his mouth yet. He's getting very vocal too.. singing himself to sleep. Now we know when he starts singing, he is sleepy.

Look how engrossed he is at his feet

He's cute..and that's because he's our son. *wink*

Creams

Ever since Zach had his rashed during his 2nd month, I have been busy trying out different type of creams for him. Look at my collection of cream for Zach.

Some were given by PDs, bought under recommendation from other mummies and some psycho-ed by sore assistant

The latest purchase was Badger's Winter Wonder Balm and Earth Mama balm which is said to be good for his stuffy nose and cough to be applied on his chest and feet and the Earth Mama balm is for his face, body and even nappy area.

Mummy hope this will be her last purchase of creams for Zach.. he's on full breastmilk now and his skin is improving and let's hope that it stays this way else it will be an expensive affair.

Milk milk come quickly

I am back to pumping milk! And I hate every moment of it..

Ever since I was told Zach's allergic to cow's milk and potentially soy milk, I knew I have no choice but to start pumping. All these while for the past 4 months, my milk supply is just sufficient for his daily feed but seeing that he has such allergy, I would really like to breastfeed him as long as I can hence the need to pump.

It is not helping that my work schedule is beginning to increase and I am stuck in meetings after meetings - not that it is a fruitful meeting. I always felt meetings are just a waste of time and resources! Someone should calculate the cost of each individuals in the meeting and the outcome of it, it's a loss ALL the time.

First day of pumping is pathetic. My breast is not used to it after 3 months of not pumping at all (I actually kept my pump away, sold away all my milk bag and breast pad!). The yield was pathetic, it made me wonder did Zach had enough everyday? Well, if he ain't crying it means he had enough. I tried relaxing, massaging, taking deep breath and it worked! My afternoon session will yield good result - 1 feed for Zach!

All my mummies friend was very encouraging! They shared many many many tips on how to pump, how to relax, what to do, what to think!! I am so indebted to them..There was one incident which really brought tears to my eyes.. Zach was sick and crying alot the night before till I din really get a good rest and when I don't sleep for few days in a row, my body and soul detaches itself (not literally) till I forgot to bring his milk to school!! Darn..and I only realise it when we are near the office. Hubby said let him try on soy milk again and he had the cheek to tell me he wasn't paying attention to what the PD was explaining the day before (soy milk contains cow's milk as well..hence Zach could be allergic to it as well). 2 of my friends working nearby immediately SMS me offering me their breastmilk for Zach..freshly expressed breastmilk! I am so touched I cried in office.. to think that they have baby to feed on their own yet they are selfless enough to offer Zach. Mother's love knows no boundary..

NOW: waiting to pump at 10am.. weekends will be 3-hrly pump each time and after 12am is to latch all the way. Wish me all success in increasing the milk supply!

My poor darling

** This post was sitting there for 2 days before I have time to upload the photos. Today, Zach finally laughed out loud and it made our day after he was sick for 2 weeks! **

Zach had his hair shaved off when he turns 4 months old on 5 April 2009. It was a tough decision since his birth hair was very smooth and soft! Maybe he din like it as well because he was cranky all the time, refusing to let the lady shave him.. hehe

We flew back to KL in the afternoon because Mummy is on leave for 1 week. There will be alot of 1 week holiday this year. Zach was very good throughout the flight except during landing when the pressure is different. He was not feeling well that week due to stuffy nose and mild cough. It could be the journey home that worsen his condition.. stuffy nose became runny nose, mild cough became phlegmy cough and worse is he got rashes which I don't know how it came about!

Zach running a fever

Zach's rashes in the late afternoon - it was actually redder than in this photo

Talk abt his rashes. My diet is still the same, I am still eating the same vitamins gynae prescribed, still drinking milo, eating the same type of food etc..but his rashes was very bad! We went to 2 different PD in Klang and both says he is allergic to cow's milk so either switch to soy milk or breastfeed him totally. It was easy cos I was on leave..within days, his rashes recovered and Zach's skin really glow - he looks even better than before.

Skin smooth as silk and fair as tofu! Haha

He tried on a sunglass for baby but we din buy it - too expensive

Back in SG, we tried soy milk on him and his rashes came back AGAIN! We visited another PD (not the usual one in SG) and she said that there is some cross-over (traces) of cow's milk in soy milk so better stop. Sigh..what a waste of $$.. I shouldn't be so stubborn in feeding him FM once a day.. should have given him breastmilk instead then I could have save all these trouble of not getting enough sleep, wasting $$ on FM, wasting $$ on PD and worse, heartbroken to see Zach keep scratching himself and his face got swollen.. *cry*

On a brighter side, his throat is probably much better today and he actually spoke a little - fyi, he did not utter a word last week! And he LAUGHED!!! I've uploaded the video in my Facebook..go check it out.

Zach's new mat

Zach don't have much toys (according to mommy's standard).. he has a few favourites though namely Mickey, Lucky Bear, rattle and soft-cloth book. Lately he is very fascinated with the cot mobile that I finally fixed and the bumbo seat.

Zach with his rattle & cloth book

Huh? U're taking my pix?

This morning, his new bumper playmat arrives. Mummy purchase this piece at a very high price and she was doubting her purchase all these while but the moment the mat was placed on the floor, it was so nice that it is a worthwhile purchase despite the pricey tag. Zach loves it to bits and finally did his first flip today.

He looked as though he was very worried that if he does flip, he will hit his head and that's why his expression was so puzzled when he finally flipped. Hehe.. atta boy!
Zach is learning to sit up as well. He is no longer the baby that wants to be cradled. Even when latching, he wants to latch sitting up *faints* and this smart little baby knows how to use his hand to cup my breast to his mouth... hahaha

Taking pix while waiting for our table

Trying to sit up

First day at infantcare

Today is Zach's first day at Little-Skool House. We send him in around 12noon after we checked out from M Hotel. The moment we reached, I was given another tour around the infant room, where Zach will be sleeping, where his toilettries will be kept, etc. Quite satisfied with the facilities and the number of activities that will be conducted.

Zach was placed in one of the infant rocker and he slept immediately. Hb and I went for lunch, came back, he alr had his bath and sleeping again! Must be the air-cond that he slept so well.. if he could sleep so well at home then I could have completed alot of housework within that 2hrs.

By 3pm, we decided to bring him home. Hb was feeling sad cos he felt no one paid attention to Zach but it could be cos we were there hence they left us to be alone with him.. we shall see how it goes tomorrow.

Daddy alr missing him and mummy will too.. the thought of it makes me wanna cry! How??? Daddy work harder lor so that mummy can stay home with Zach..hee

Preparation for Infantcare

Zach is supposed to go to infantcare last Tuesday but could not go because a few babies were down with flu and to prevent Zach from being exposed to the virus, we were asked to go one week later (I am absolutely fine with it since his grandparents were here hence need to let them spend some quality time with him as well).

His bags were all prepared by mummy since last week. As I was packing his bag, I felt sad and tears started flowing... I will not get to see him 24x7 anymore..he will start 'talking' to others and not only to mummy. He will readily show his toothless grin and cheery smile to his teachers and not only to mummy.. I am having separation anxiety but at the same time I want him to socialise and not stick to mummy only. Sigh.. what contradicting thought.

Zach's school bag - mummy's unused gym bag

What's inside Zach's bag??

• 3 to sets of baby clothes, socks
• 5 soft bibs - not bringing as Zach uses hankies instead
• 5 soft face towels
• 2 bath towel - mummy need to buy additional towels. The one from Aussino sucks
• 1 pack disposable diapers - Nepia is the brand
• 1 pack baby wipes
• 1 pc mattress cover
• 1 pc cotton baby blanket
• 1 tin of formula - think Zach will not need 1 tin since he will only have 1 feed of FM per day
• 2 plastic milk bottles, teats
• Baby Bath and hair shampoo
• Diaper cream
• Baby lotion

Zach's toilettries

Zach's barang barang

All the above items were checked and double-checked. This paranoid mummy even gave extra

• Additional mattress cover
• Cotton wool - after his milk I will always use damp cotton wool to wipe his face
• Talcum - I love Zach smelling fresh from Gaia talc
• Baby Oil - for his after bath massage

Ahhh.. all the sudden, I feel that Zach is a big boy!

My Baby turn 3 month old

Time flies when you are having a good time.. Zach turns 3 month old yesterday and mummy will be sending him to Little-Skool House next Tuesday and start working on Friday. She's already having separation anxiety even though Zach is juz a stone throw away. While I was packing his bag to be brought to the infantcare next week, tears just start flowing.. mummy's baby is going to 'school'. Sigh..

Zach is getting taller by the day and I realised it when I latch him on everyday. He used to be able to sit his butt on my thigh but lately, his butt seems to be touching the sofa...hahaha. He's very responsive as well. When mummy sings his favourite nursery rhyme, I will stop for a while and let him continue which he will using his baby language. His favourite time will be after his bathe, after his feed and during nappy changing time - these are his most talkative time.

His routine is more or less settled and mummy is trying to train him to sleep through the night. Quite successful so far though he did try his luck to wake up at different hours to see if he gets his milk. Once he tried at 3am, failed! Two nights ago, he tried at 2am, failed. This morning, he tried at 4am, FAILED! He has no choice but to sleep till after 5.30am then mummy will latch him..haha.

He is a strong boy. Being able to lie on his tummy and lift his head up, holding on to his wrist, he can lift himself up into sitting position but this only happens when he is in a good mood. You can't try this after his feed cos he will be so satisfied and he would not do anything else except lying down and talk. Muahaha...

Mummy created 3 collages showing how big Zach has grown from the day he was born till yesterday! Mummy never felt bored looking through those photos..Zach has about 600digital photos captured so far - not counting those taken by others. He's such a sweetie pie which never fail to greet mummy with his sunshine smile, cheeky smile or shy smile and mummy never knew that she has such overwhelming love to shower him!

First month

Second month

Third month